My life seems to be turning every which way lately. I don't understand why things are happening the way they are. I don't understand why people that I thought were my closest and dearest friends are doing the things they are doing. I don't understand why I can't get past the hurt and loneliness. I pray and pray and nothing happens. Just when I think that God has allowed me to get beyond this and that I can handle the things thrown at me...something will happen or something will be said randomly and BAM...I'm right back to the hurt again!
Through all of this, I am not hearing God...He is not giving me any 'little nuggets.' I know He is here...His word says He will NEVER leave me nor FORSAKE me! So, why is it that I can't see Him at work in all of this? I KNOW that I know that I know...He is here...He is at work...
No, things aren't going like I want them to go. Things in my life are changing...and I don't like the way they are changing. To me the changes don't make sense. The changes are all being done in the Lord's name, yet it seems to me that it's all being done just because the I's are bored, etc. with the way things are.
I don't mean to ramble, but I am to the point that I can't do this anymore! I am hurting...no, it's not all about me, I know that...but I HURT!!!
I want to hear from God. I want to serve God more than anything else. I seek His face. I desire to feel His presence EVERY DAY in my life! Some of the people that I love more than life itself are even some of the ones hurting me the most...and they don't even realize it! I know that they are excited for the changes that are happening to them...but those changes are tearing me apart! It's hard to see and hear the excitement in their voices and lives when the changes are destroying what was.
I don't understand...I guess I don't have to understand...I just need to allow God to do whatever it is that He is doing. I know there is a plan and a purpose...which doesn't necessarily include or exclude me. So, I will go on...day by day...and prayerfully, the hurt will dissipate [SOON!]. I pray that God will allow me to get beyond this and that I will begin to hear His little nuggets again [SOON!]. I pray that if God is trying to show me something that my eyes will be open and that I will begin to see. I don't want to be bitter...I don't want to dislike those that were once so very close to my heart...I don't want to hurt. I DO want to feel the excitement and the joy that everyone else seems to be feeling!
Please pray for me...I know God is here and I know He hears!
Walking the walk & talking the talk,
***Tomorrow I will be posting on my beautiful mama's blog...Who is God? It is the story of a miracle. Be sure to check it out...I think it will bless you!