I've been going through a lot in these past few weeks...I've had my yearly laryngitis...now this isn't just a few days event. No, it lasts for 8-10 weeks every year. I have had it since January 11th and so I am now in week 6 with NO voice! Unless God does something it will be another 4-5 weeks before I can speak normally. I deal with it every year...with the exception of last year...and it is quite an ordeal. I am a children's pastor...I cannot preach...my son-in-law has to fill in for me...thank God Jeremy is willing and able. I also run the office for my husband's business...answering the phone, dealing with customer's and such...not good when you have no voice with which to answer the phone. Many times in these past 6 weeks I have had customer's hang up on me because they cannot hear me. Many of them laugh at the fact that I have no voice. I'm not quite sure why they think it's funny because it's really NOT. Besides the inconvenience of having no voice and not being able to effectively communicate...laryngitis wears a body out. I am utterly and completely exhausted by the end of the day. I want to do nothing. I don't have the energy to do anything. Ok, ok, ok...enough of that...I have other issues that God has been dealing with me about.
A few weeks ago I found out about some major changes in our church and in my family. I was devastated. I'm not big on changes...well, not when they effect my family. Our pastor is leaving to plant a church. Not only is he leaving but he is taking my daughter and her family with him. That is the devastating part. Now, don't get your dander up...I want my daughter and her husband to be in the perfect will of God...no matter how hard it is for me. Wanting that doesn't make it any easier for me when He decides to move them. Now, they are not physically moving...the new church plant will be in the greater metropolitan area and they do not have to move their home. Thank God for that. However, not having them in church with me is killing me. In fact, I was so devastated that I thought perhaps God was telling me that I was no longer to be a children's pastor...I was not sure what God wanted from me. I know all the appropriate scriptures that tell me my hope in in Him and not in earthly thing, or in my case...in my kids, etc. But for a mama that lives in the joy of having her kids all serve God, live close enough to see on a regular basis and all go to the same church...this is one of the hardest things I have ever had to deal with in my time in ministry!
This is where This is the Stuff comes in. It hit me like a ton of bricks today. This is the stuff that God uses to strengthen us. This is the stuff that God uses to get our attention. This is the stuff that we need God to work through in us. So this is my prayer today...Lord, break me of impatience, help me conquer my frustrations, give me a new appreciation, while it may feel like it...it's not the end of the world.
I pray that you have understood my ramblings today. It's a little difficult to put it into words without sounding like a crazy person. Ultimately...God is working in me. I don't understand the reason why I must endure what seems like endless laryngitis year after year, but it's fine...I'll get through with God's guidance and direction. I don't know why God would separate my family but I know it's for His purpose at this time and at some point, we will likely be back together ministering again. All I do know is that God has blessed me and I will endure whatever comes my way if it helps me to grow in Him.
I am including the video here. Click on it and enjoy. Perhaps God will speak to you through it.
Walking the walk & talking the talk,